Lifestyle

Conversations are supposed to be two-sided – but all too often we come up against someone who’s passionately, exclusively in love with the sound of their own voice. Time to fight back … When I was in my early teens, I was often invited round to a schoolfriend’s house for dinner. Her family struck me as wildly progressive: they were Danish and indulged in all sorts of “out-there” activities – fondues, candle-making and, most terrifying of all, the talking stick. Before the meal was served, someone would retrieve the sacred broom handle and it would be passed around the table. You could speak only if you had possession of the stick. Despite it being the most stressful thing ever (it meant being in the spotlight, and then remembering to keep quiet the rest of the time), I now frequently yearn for a more convenient version of that stick. For example, I met a friend recently who I see infrequently but keep up with via voice notes. No sooner had we sat down than he launched into a long discourse about his new marathon training food plan. He only broke the flow to order an omelette: “Four egg whites, two yolks, is that possible?” (We were in my local greasy spoon, so the request was greeted with mirth.) When we left, 90 minutes later, he finally had the grace to turn to me and ask: “And how are things with you?” Walking home, I felt a mixture of disappointment and irritation. Had he always been so self-absorbed? So uninterested in anyone else? I couldn’t help wondering if our one-sided virtual updates had played a part in the problem. There is a name for this type of egocentric behaviour – “conversational narcissism”. Although it was coined by the sociologist Charles Derber in his 1979 book The Pursuit of Attention, the term seems more relevant than ever. “WhatsApp communication and voice notes are really a series of monologues,” says Charlotte Fox Weber, a psychotherapist. “In face-to-face situations, people are forgetting how to pause naturally, to make space to hear and listen. And people are chatting on the phone – an activity that at least requires turn-taking in a defined way – much less often.” A lot of our communication online can feel weirdly transactional, focused on logistics or niche WhatsApp groups. According to Tamu Thomas, a life coach and author, this has damaged the art of improvised conversation. “People have less capacity for meandering conversations that don’t have a purpose,” she says. “A good dialogue is a back-and-forth between two people discovering new things about each other, even if they have known each other for years. Because there are now so many different channels available to stay in touch, some people are confusing communication with connection.” Knowledge is power, though. If you can recognise the five types of common conversation hogger, it will be much easier to handle them. Continue reading...

The Guardian Lifestyle • 15 hours ago

No matter how long you’ve had your licence, there’s always scope to improve your skills behind the wheel. Driving instructors share their tips on how to be a better motorist Whether you have just passed your test or been behind the wheel for decades, driving skills can always be sharpened up. From dealing with road rage to traffic jams, tight parking spaces to hire cars, driving instructors share their tips on how to be a better motorist in the most challenging scenarios. Continue reading...

The Guardian Lifestyle • 15 hours ago

The little black dress of desserts, this French staple is quick and easy to make, and almost always delivers. Experiment with flavours and toppings to put your own spin on a classic Years ago, a group of us cycled from Brittany to the Mediterranean, and along the way we ate a lot of chocolate mousse. Popular, easy to make and happy to sit in the fridge until required, it’s a mainstay of the modest French provincial restaurant and, as we discovered, it’s almost always good. Here’s my favourite version of the little black dress of the dessert trolley. Prep 5 min Cook 20 min Chill 2 hr+ Makes 2 Continue reading...

The Guardian Lifestyle • 16 hours ago

Want to know the essentials fashion insiders swear by? Whether it’s great T-shirts or forever trainers, Guardian writers and stylists reveal the pieces they rate • Jess Cartner-Morley’s September style essentials Whether it’s a great pair of pants or the perfect T-shirt, nailing the basics can make or break your wardrobe. “They have to work harder than anything else,” says British Vogue style editor Funmi Fetto. I asked Fetto and other stylists and style writers, along with members of the Guardian fashion desk – who all spend more time than most thinking about this stuff – for their most-loved basics. And don’t worry, most of them won’t break the bank. Continue reading...

The Guardian Lifestyle • 16 hours ago

A Tory twentysomething and a lifelong leftwinger agreed on the need for more housing stock, but did they concur on welfare and net zero? • Want to meet someone from across the divide? Click here to find out how Oliver, 22, London Occupation Journalist for ConservativeHome Continue reading...

The Guardian Lifestyle • 17 hours ago

Michael and Selena have three young kids and practise ethical non-monogamy which helps energise their relationship • How do you do it? Share the story of your sex life, anonymously When you come back to your partner, you see the person you fell in love with Continue reading...

The Guardian Lifestyle • 18 hours ago